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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

A-Z Challenge: M is for Masturdating

I have a confession: I cannot masturdate. It's scary. It goes against all that I was taught and it just feels wrong. Dirty, shameful and wrong. For those who aren't aware what masturdating is, it's the act of going on "dates" by yourself. Going to the movies, going to dinner, going to get a drink...all by yourself. And I can't do it. I know, I know. The empowered, independent woman today can do anything alone! We are suppose to be able to go to a movie or dinner alone and enjoy it but I cannot. I have to have someone with me. My girlfriends and I will go to movies. We will go to dinner, get drinks, etc. I will take my son and niece to a movie, to dinner just the three or two of us. No problem. My family and I will go out a lot and that's great. And of course I love to do those things with the guy I'm dating. But to go alone? Can't do it. I am independent in every other aspect of my life: single mom taking care of my my family, don't need help from anyone, blah blah blah. I can remember years back after a break up I decided I  was going to attempt a masturdate. I could do whatever I wanted, I didn't need him and gosh darn it, I wanted to go to a movie! No one else was available to go so I decided I would go. Alone. And I didn't like it. There was no one to make fun of the bad acting with, no one to discuss the obvious plot twists with...I felt it was very lonely. There are people that LOVE to go the movies alone-honestly I salute you. And another confession: I have never even attempted to go to dinner alone because the thought scares me . For those who love it, I salute you as well. It's probably really silly but I'm being honest and it really scares me. If I get the rare opportunity to be alone (happens maybe once or twice a year!) I will order take out, grab a book, get in comfy cozy pj's and relax on the couch. That is my idea of an amazing masturdate. Because, and let's be real here ladies, if I'm putting make up on, doing my hair and getting dressed in clothes other than pj's and getting a babysitter-there's going to be another person there to appreciate the effort damn it. Because otherwise, it's just not worth it! At home, the bra and make up come off, the hair gets thrown up in a bun, the comfy cozy pj's come on and it's awesome. For those who masturdate and love it, kudos. I truly admire you. But masturdating just isn't for me.

8 comments:

  1. Nope, I went to the movies alone once, last year, and I will never do it again. I felt like the old creepy guy sitting there with my popcorn. I have neve gone out the dinner alone, it's odd.

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    1. Isn't it?!!?!?!? I won't do it again. Masturdating is just not for us I guess! =)

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  2. I went to dinner by myself once when I was at a conference. It felt weird, and I've never wanted to do it again. I would rather get take out and eat it alone in my hotel room.

    TaMara
    AJ's AtoZ wHooligan
    Tales of a Pee Dee Mama

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    1. I give you a lot of credit Tamara!! You braver than I could be for even going. Yes take out is the way to go!!! 😄

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  3. Lunch I can almost navigate on my own, but only at a quick grab a bite to eat place, and it helps if I have a book, or I become strangely fascinated with organizing my purse.

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    1. Lunch I can see as less intimidating but I would be doing the same thing. My purse would be SUPER organized too if I had to lunch alone! =)

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  4. I love going to the movies by myself! I actually prefer it, unless someone says, "do you want to go see xyz" and I want to go see that movie. I hate the feeling of "let's pick a movie we can both enjoy." Blah. I want a movie *I* will enjoy. Lunch, too, I can handle on my own, but somehow dinner feels pathetic.

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    1. Do you really??? That's awesome! Good for you, I truly give you a lot of credit. Dinner really is the hardest thing I think. 99% of the people around you are in a group or with someone else, its really difficult to go alone.

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